


Tolerance and Affection

by idontneedmemories



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Breaking Up & Making Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,714
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27521986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idontneedmemories/pseuds/idontneedmemories
Summary: Miya Atsumu and Sakusa broke up.Sakusa sat dumbly on the sofa, feeling all sorts of stupidity radiating from none other than himself.How utterly stupid of him to think that Atsumu has complete tolerance over his complete lack of affection.'I should’ve done better...'
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Kudos: 190





	Tolerance and Affection

**Author's Note:**

> Another angst to hurt myself.
> 
> Sakusa learns that it's not good for him to keep to keep receiving without reciprocating.

“Omi… Let’s break up.”

He was dumbfounded when he heard it. He stared dumbly at Atsumu like the idiot he was.

“Wh- what?”

“What do you mean what?” Atsumu had a tired look on his face. He sighed and smothered his face with his hands in frustration. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“Can’t do what?” Sakusa asked like an idiot.

“I don’t know… pretending I can feel something.”

“Pretending that you feel something? For me? You were pretending?”

It was the stupidest question he has ever asked anyone.

“No,  _ you _ ,” Atsumu said as he removed his hand, his voice getting softer with each word. “I’m tired of pretending you have feelings for me.”

Sakusa blink once. Blinked twice. Blinked multiple times but he couldn’t process it.

“You see, I entered this relationship thinking that you liked me. I had hoped that over time you’d come to love me,” Atsumu said as he tried to blinked his tears away. “But that never happened.”

“What do you mean?”

“What do I mean?” Atsumu chuckled, the pain in his eyes evident. “I meant that instead of you growing to love me, you actually grew to hate me instead.”

“What do you mean? No, that’s not it,” Sakusa told him, but he never tried to explain. He just said that was not it and put a period on it. He kept Atsumu guessing, which was why Atsumu never got to truly understand Sakusa. Sakusa never let him know anything. No gestures, no words, nothing.

“You think I don’t know?” Atsumu asked. “Think about it. What did we ever do except fighting? I mean- what did you ever do to me this whole time? Nothing, right? _Absolutely_ _nothing_. I give you something, you got something. You give nothing, I got nothing. A relationship is supposed to work _both ways_ but clearly that never happened with us, right?”

“Miya, I-”

“Yeah, you just reminded me,” Atsumu cut him off. “Another thing you reminded me of. Miya? We’ve been together for two years! **_Two whole years_**! And I’m still just another Miya for you. You might as well call me Osamu since you like him better.”

“But-”

Atsumu stood up, not wanting to hear any further about Sakusa’s guessing games.

“Thank you, Omi. This is the last time I’m ever calling you that. Goodbye.”

And then he left without turning back, leaving Sakusa staring at the closed door.

\---

Two weeks after, everyone already kept giving them looks. Their fights never lasted long due to Atsumu’s clingy personality, but never before have they seen Atsumu be the one to do the avoiding. It was always Sakusa who did it. Even Bokuto noticed how bad it was, and so he asked Sakusa quietly instead of questioning out loud.

“We… broke up.”

Bokuto’s eyes widened more than it already was. “You broke up with Tsum-Tsum?”

“What? Do you think I’d break up with him?” Sakusa asked in indignation.

“Well, yeah… That’s what everyone thinks.”

Sakusa fell silent with that.  _ Of course, it’s me. _ He knows that Bokuto said it without meaning to offend him. It was the complete and honest truth.  _ That’s why it hurt. _ Everyone thought that he would be the one to break up with Atsumu because that’s all he ever showed anyone how he felt about their relationship. He never looked like he wanted to be in it. He never looked like he wanted to be with Atsumu. He never made anyone feel that he liked Atsumu.  _ Even Atsumu himself. _

“It looks like you regret it though.”

Sakusa met eyes with Bokuto. Those big golden eyes probed him until his soul lay bare. He felt as if he had beek stripped naked. So vulnerable. Bokuto might act oblivious and obnoxious at times, but there are certain things he  _ knows _ . He’s not an owl for nothing.

“Don’t take long to apologize to him,” Bokuto said as he gave him a pat on the back that felt more like a slap. He was too late to notice that the hand was coming and now his back felt like tingling and itching a little. “I’ll let you know that Akaashi and Samu-kun already know. He will be out for blood for Tsum-Tsum soon.”

“How do they know?” Sakusa frowned. “You told them?”

“Why would I tell them? Do you always think that of me?” Bokuto pouted. “Tsum-Tsum is not that secretive of your relationship. He messages Samu-kun all the time about the little things but these past two months, the messages started to get lesser and lesser until it went poof! Akaashi discovered it because Samu-kun would rant to him whenever he came by to buy onigiri. We already knew things were becoming worse before you did.”

_ We already knew things were becoming worse before you did… _

_ We already knew things were becoming worse before you did... _

_ We already knew things were becoming worse before you did... _

Bokuto’s words rang through Sakusa’s mind the whole day. He missed serves and messed up his spikes during practice. Even Atsumu noticed his strange behavior and frowned but he didn’t bring it up or say anything to him. He was avoiding Sakusa after all. Atsumu gave him less sets by the end of their practice game.

\---

Despite what Bokuto had told him, Sakusa did not muster the guts to approach Atsumu. He kept things as they were, staring at Atsumu from afar.

Until something - _ or someone _ \- came and made him feel like he should move or else everything will be lost.

“Bokuto-san!”

“Hinata!”

He saw it. The shine in Atsumu’s eyes.

_ No…! _

“Miya-san!” Hinata energetically greeted him.

“Miya-san? Are you kidding me? Which Miya, huh?” Atsumu said as he nudged him.

“Atsumu-san!”

“Correct!” Atsumu ruffled his hair. “You’re here now! This is it! I’m gonna set for you! I fulfilled my own prophecy!”

“Prophecy? What prophecy? Tsum-Tsum you’re a prophet?!”

“Totally! I can see the future!”

“Another noisy one, huh?” Meian chuckled. “My head’s gonna hurt with all this shouting.” He looked to the side and saw the look on Sakusa’s face.  _ Is that what I think it is? He’s finally about to grow a solid backbone!  _ “Well, don’t scare the kid, okay? Besides, it’s not like he’s already accepted into the team. It’s an audition. We’re still going to screen the players.”

But Sakusa  _ knew _ . Hinata was 100% going to enter the team. He’s seen Hinata’s hungry pair of eyes before. He’s seen the same kind of eyes everyday for the past two years.  _ A hungry pair of eyes like Atsumu’s _ .

And he wasn’t wrong about it. A week after a lot of deliberation of their coach with the entire team, Hinata was accepted as a new member of the Black Jackals. Sakusa was sure that he’s  _ fucked _ .

“Shouyou-kun!”

“Atsumu-san!”

_ Shouyou-kun...? They're that close already? _

Hinata and Atsumu wouldn’t leave each other’s side every time they were in the same place. Heck, they’d even meet on days where there's no practice. Sakusa was sure he had lost all hope. Atsumu was never going to look at him again.

“Don’t make that look. Hinata knows nothing about you and Atsumu. And don't filter with your eyes. Bokuto's with them all the time too," Thomas told him.

Sakusa bit his lip and dug his nails on his hands. To the team's shock, a resounding "thwap" was heard throughout the court. A red handprints could be seen where his mask wasn't.  _ Snap out of it, you're being very pathetic. Hinata is not at fault for any of this. _

And then he left.

\---

Surprisingly after that, Sakusa and Hinata started to get along. More surprisingly, Sakusa was the one who approached Hinata and he was starting to become a mini-Sakusa when it came to cleanliness. He washes his face thrice a day. He carries alcohol wherever he goes. He sprays on everything he touches. He cleans his temporary place twice a day. By the end of the week, it had been agreed upon that Hinata will stay with Sakusa’s dorm.

“What do you know?” Meian chuckled. “You actually got along with Hinata.”

“Well… he’s not bad,” Sakusa mumbled as he watched Atsumu, Bokuto and Hinata wreak chaos. _I totally understand why he'd like him..._

“What do you mean “he’s not bad”?” Inunaki chuckled. “Sakusa, you like him! A lot! If I didn’t know any better, I would think that you were dating Hinata.”

_ But that’s basic socializing, right...? _ Sakusa thought to himself.  _ That’s how awful I was to him… I didn’t even do any basic socializing with him... _

Out of Sakusa’s sight, he winked at Meian and Meian returned the exchange with a wiggle of his brows.  _ A little more push, he’ll cave in! Atsumu will finally stop barging on our dorm while piss drunk and out of it! _

“Sakusa-san!” Hinata exclaimed as he ran to Sakusa and started animatedly explaining about him, Bokuto and Akaashi going to visit Tsukishima Miyagi to see the former Karasuno members.

The other members watched as Atsumu’s lips pouted with how close Hinata and Sakusa were.

_ Your story’s not done yet. Just a little more. _

And on that night, Sakusa found Atsumu lying on the floor outside of his dorm tied by a sweater like a strait jacket and a note on him that said, ‘Hey, we found your property.’ From the end of the hallway, Meian, Thomas, Inunaki and Barnes high-fived each other. Sakusa was a little frustrated knowing who probably did this, but at the same time he was grateful.

“Omi…?” Atsumu slurred as he stared at him with puppy eyes. “You’re here!”

“Yes, I’m here,” Sakusa softly said as he brushed the stray hair that got on Atsumu’s face. “What happened?”

“I- I missed you…! I was- I was drinking and then… and then Barnes and Thomas started trying me up and- and you weren’t there and…” Atsumu started sniffling like a child abandoned by his parents.

“Shh…” Sakusa said as he caressed his face. “I’m here now, okay? I’m right there. I’m sorry...”

Sakusa took a clean blanket and wrapped Atsumu around before lifting him up from the ground. He stared at his snotty face for a few seconds before deciding to give him a kiss on the forehead knowing well that despite being piss drunk, Atsumu was going to remember everything the following day. Atsumu smiled sweetly at him and gave him a kiss on the cheek before he passed out. It was the first time that Sakusa felt the warmth of another person. His skin was tingling a little from the fact that Atsumu had been drunk in some random bar and was lying on the ground, but it felt nice. In fact, it felt perfect.

Sakusa bathed him, put his own clothes on him, brushed his teeth (attempted to but obviously failed because he almost choked Atsumu with a mouthful of watter and toothpaste) with one of his spare toothbrushes and put him on his bed; all of which were things that he definitely would not do if he hadn’t had a revelation about how awful he was treating him.

Atsumu kept mumbling his name in his sleep. Sakusa wanted to watch him all night, but that was creepy so he decided to clean the floor twice before laying five blankets on top of each other since he didn’t have a futon. Nobody has ever been in his room before. Not even his now-roommate Hinata, whose room he didn’t dare use despite knowing that Hinata rivals him in cleanliness.

“Goodnight,” he whispered before falling asleep on his makeshift bed. “I- I love you.”

\---

Atsumu woke up with a jolt. He dreamed about what happened yesterday. He dreamed about having invited the other four MSBY members to drink. He dreamed about being tied up while he was unable to stop them. He remembered being carried on the shoulder like a sack of rice by Meian as they delivered him to Sakusa’s dorm and then he was dropped on the front door like a delivery box.

_ “Omi…? You’re here!” _

_ “Yes, I’m here,” Sakusa softly told him as he brushed the stray hair that got on his face. “What happened?” _

_ “I- I missed you…! I was- I was drinking and then… and then Barnes and Thomas started trying me up and- and you weren’t there and…” he started sniffling. _

_ “Shh…” Sakusa said as he caressed his face. “I’m here now, okay? I’m right here. I’m sorry...” _

He was silent for a while before he blurted out, “What the hell?”

But then he looked around and then noticed that he was in an unfamiliar room. He thought that they would drop him in his dorm with Bokuto but he was mistaken. He immediately panicked, thinking that maybe he had been kidnapped or that maybe Osamu had shipped him to an unknown country with no money or something. He put his feet down on the ground and felt something squishy… and he almost squealed.

_ Oh my god. I’m dead. I’m gonna die. He’s gonna murder me. I’m never going to see the light of the day again. He’s gonna peel my skin of and- _

“You’re awake?”

“Eek!”

Sakusa incredulously looked at him for the small noise he just made. “Does your head hurt?”

“A- A little?” Atsumu unsurely said. “Wh- Where am I…?”

Sakusa looked around the room with a brow raised. “Where else? Don’t tell me you don’t remember being dropped off at my front door.”

“I- I do remember!” Atsumu exclaimed and then started mumbling. “But then… you kissed my forehead and carried me up and I look like I’ve been bathed and I look like I’m wearing your clothes and I’m in your room and you slept on the floor and- and… you don’t do those things....”

_ Silence… _

“... I’m sorry.”

Atsumu blinked. “Huh? What?”

“… For not doing those things with you before.”

“Wh- What?” Tears started falling out of Atsumu’s eyes before he knew it.

Sakusa bit his lip. “Don’t cry… It’s my fault.” His hands trembled as he reached out and wiped the tears off Atsumu’s face. His touch was soft as a feather, afraid he would break Atsumu more than he already did. “I was wrong…”

Atsumu wanted to curl up like a ball to hide his snotty face. “Hk! I- I did break up with you… but until now, I- I still love you...”

“Me too,” Sakusa hesitated but still brought his arms around Atsumu. It was tense and awkward, but it was a hug. It was the best feeling Atsumu has ever had. “I still love you too…”

They fell into a comfortable silence for a minute before...

“Omi-Omi… I’m sorry too…”

“For what?” Sakusa asked as he breathed in Atsumu’s comforting smell.

“It’s just… you know… I…”

“None of this is your fault.”

“I- I mean, not that! It’s- it’s…”

“It’s what???”

Atsumu fidgeted with his hands first. "Call me "Atsumu" first."

" _A- Atsumu_ , what is it?" Sakusa stuttered, as if he hasn't been practicing saying Atsumu's name the whole month.

“Well, before you woke up....”

Sakusa anticipatingly waited.  _ Maybe he stared at me for a while like a creep. Maybe he kissed when I was still asleep. What is it? _

“Before you woke… I- I stepped on your face!” Atsumu exclaimed as he hid his face on his arms.

“...”

“Omi?” Atsumu asked as he peaked from underneath his “protection.”

“... You what?”

“Wah! Omi Omi!!! I’m sorrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!”

\---

"Come to think of it, they lasted two whole years without kissing or touching at all," Thomas brought it up.

"Damn, that's some self control right there," Barnes chuckled. "Puts Atsumu in a totally different light now that I think about it."

_"Do you think the plan succeeded, Bokuto-san?"_ Hinata asked Bokuto. They're in a video call while on their way to Miyagi.

_"Of course! Ahgaaaaashe and I are never wrong! Hey, hey, h- OW!"_ Bokuto proudly said as he threw his hands up in the hair but hit the roof of the car instead.

_"Bokuto-san, please be careful. And it was Osamu-san who formed the idea,"_ Akaashi reminded him as he was driving.

"You kids take care. Don't get on an accident. It'd be better if you strap Bokuto down," Meian told them.

_"Captain?! Why me?!"_

"Because it's always you, Bokuto," Inunaki chuckled.


End file.
